5 Ways to Become a guilt-free Mom "Goddess"

  

   Can you imagine becoming a "guilt-free" mom? seems impossible for most as we tend to live there more often than not these days. Ever wonder why is that? Does this sound like you....your day starts the moment your feet touch the floor. You get out of bed only to climb aboard the perpetual mouse exercise wheel where you spin endlessly (taking care of the kids, home, work, chores etc) until you clock out at night. By the time you climb out, you are tired and dizzy and collapse onto your bed in complete exhaustion.... only to feel GUILT!
   I used to live there much too often. I was never good enough, never finished what I started, was constantly running around like a chicken with no head, and always felt that I was not doing right by my children and well...GUILTY!! Today, I am here to tell you ENOUGH,..NO MORE!!! a true mom goddess must learn not to harness such a demeaning emotion. So, to better understand it, let's first look at the word...guilt.
   According to Wikipedia: Guilt: is an emotion that occurs when a person believes that they have violated a moral standard.
Merriam-Webster definition of GUILT: 1: the fact of having committed a breach of conduct especially violating law and involving a penalty; broadly : guilty conduct 2a : the state of one who has committed an offense especially consciously b : feelings of culpability especially for imagined offenses or from a sense of inadequacy : self-reproach 3: a feeling of culpability for offenses
Did you read it?? so, what breach of conduct or moral standard are we violating by doing everything for everyone? have we committed a conscious offense violating the law? Do we have feelings of blame for offenses of inadequacy? Now, let's flip the coin...what purpose does this feeling of guilt serve? and then ask, what can I do to overcome this emotion or feeling so I can be the best I can be, serve others and do for the greater good?
Let's start with:
 1) See it for what it is
    It is an emotion, just like another of feeling of sadness, happiness, joy, elation. Become aware of it, face it and let it go.  This emotion serves no purpose other than to make you miserable. It's unhealthy so, why do you need it? Do you think your mother felt guilty when (back in the day) she brought you home in her arms sitting in the front passenger seat without a seat belt? no, she didn't. She was enjoying the emotion of happiness and wasn't thinking about what the safest way to bring you home.  To her, her arms were the safest place.
 2) Do not make it more that what it is:
     Hey, guess what? you are not supermom! I tried to steal that title once only to find out it didn't exist :) you are a working mom living in the 21st century trying to make ends meet.  Your children will be fine if you and your husband both work and you are not PTA class president, cupcake making room mother, soccer coach, have an impeccable house and you look like a supermodel.  That person does not exist (and if they do they are probably miserable) and you are not perfect nor would you want to be. Just the stress alone with all those expectations only makes your cortisol levels rise and in return you get fat. Then on top of that you age and get wrinkles quicker--and no one wants that! so, the next time you see another stressed out mom trying to be perfect, the best thing you can do is to stay calm, smile and have compassion for them.
3) Prioritize
   Now this one usually goes by the wayside as you race through the day however, it is an important one in order to keep your sanity.  So really try to make a list day-by-day and then by week.  Your day-to-day things include the regular routine stuff however, figure out what is the most important thing you want to get to in that day.  If it is leaving work early to spend a few extra minutes with your child then do whatever it takes to be productive in the day, (so you can get out) focus on it.  If it is to get certain tasks done, then write them down and check it off when you are done.  Everyday you should have a list of certain priorities you want to get to--without them chaos enters.  Also, it helps to start a weekly list at the beginning of the week.  This way if something happens (i.e. sick child) you can maneuver another priority for another day and still feel it is accomplished in a given week. Tip- apply the 80/20 rule. If you get done 80% of items on your list then don't beat yourself up about the other 20%. Just put it on the top of your list next time and move on.
4) Call in your resources
    Now this is a BIG one!  One of the reasons you are probably feeling guilt is that you have too much on your plate that no human can be capable of completing on a daily basis.  You CAN'T be everything to everybody...period!! I don't care how tough and independent you are, eventually you will crack under pressure (especially when you are hormonal).  So, figure out who you can use in order to accomplish what needs to get done.  Can your husband start filling in on some errands (picking up the girls from gymnastics) while you run to the grocery store? Can your school age kids take on some more responsibility at home?  which, by far, the biggest reward you could ever give them is more time with you (deep down is what they really want, not the ipad). If the house is overwhelming, hire a housekeeper every other week so it will allow you to stay on top of things.  There are many creative ways, you just need to put your guard down and ask. Most are more than willing to lend a hand (relatives, neighbors and especially other moms). Bottom line- no one is going to think you are putting them out (unless you take advantage).  If they can not help out they will say "no" and you move on, it's OK.
5) MAKE TIME FOR 'YOU'
    Why?....because you DESERVE IT!!! Today's working mom juggles more balls in the air than any other previous generation.  When you make your list of priorities, make sure to include "you" time.  Even if it is 20 minutes reading at lunch, catching a bath to yourself at night, going to the zumba class or getting your nails done.  Whatever it is --make it part of your plan, on a daily and weekly basis. Heck, throw in a weekend get away with your girlfriends once in a while and you will come back a renewed woman. Remember you were "YOU" before you got married and had kids.  Having kids does not define you and we all know when mommy is not happy, nobody is happy.. so make mommy happy! By you taking time for yourself, it allows you to remain grounded and that creates a calmness that radiates to your kids. Be their role model. They know it and sense it and will be happier for it.  When you are overwhelmed and stressed, that's when yelling starts and anger sets in and in return brings on "guilt " and other ailments.   It is not worth it, so give yourself permission (especially when things get overwhelming) to give yourself a time out.

All in all, I believe deep down we are all sleeping goddesses waiting to be awakened. Females have an innate ability to nurture and a goddess is know to be courageous, rules intuition, creates balance, rules birth and creativity. No goddess-like woman is perfect, nor can every goddess demonstrate all of these qualities all of the time. But a goddess demonstrates most of these qualities most of the time. She invents her own life, and lives according to her own vision. This quality requires the companion qualities of imagination and COURAGE.A goddess is autonomous. She seeks no one's approval, but listens to her own counsel. She does not try to impress anyone. Her work speaks for itself. She never makes excuses and rarely offers explanations for her actions. She is not defensive for she is not threatened by what other people may think of her. She is the queen of her own life and this is reflected in her demeanor.I want to help you discover after all these years of giving your all to everything and everyone it's time to take "you" back. Let's discover and ignite your guilt-free "Goddess"within!
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